she is the words that i can't find.

so, this entire thing is really pissing me off.

i don’t wanna upset you right now, but i have to say this bc it’s frying my brain.
why does this always happen to you? the most amazing girl i’ve ever known in my entire life, the one i’d love to wake up next to everyday, and talk to everyday, the person i look forward to talking to everyday, and i love when she surprises me by coming on. it makes my day, i don’t get how people could just abandon you like that, first kyle, and now chris? if that was me, i’d do everything in my power just to come online at least once a week, and talk to you. i’d have to. it wouldn’t be a want, it wouldn’t even be a need, it’s a desire i have to talk to you, i don’t understand how they can survive not talking to you? like, it actually confuses me so much. i hate when you’re upset about it, you shouldn’t be, at all. i hate that it upsets you, i wish i could take it all away, but i can’t, because i’m not him. so, i hope that i’m next to the best thing, and you know that i’d do anything i could to make you smile, and make you happy, okay? i love you so much princess, i just had to get that off my chest, it’s always annoying me, and i just checked your tumblr, and yeah. i’m sorry this happens to you baby, i really am, no one deserves to have you, no one on this earth is even near to being worth what you deserve. you deserve the best, and, i hope you know that, i give you the best i possibly can, i just hope it’s enough to keep you smiling.

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just wanted to tell you this, princess,

basically, when i went to therapy today, she told me to use a distraction, called grounding, and i have a song book for it now. where i write songs i like, or think like, motivate me, make me happy, and i also write my own songs. i’ve wrote a song about alex, but, now, i’m gonna attempt to start writing one about you, and hope it goes good.

you wanna know why tho? because thinking of you, about you, or talking to you makes me happy, it makes me forget everything, and just focus on you, and how amazing, beautiful, perfect, talented, and wonderful you are, and you inspire me, i look up to you, it’s just amazing how i can do all that, and you’re actually my bestfriend, like, it’s just, mind-blowing to be perfectly honest. but yeah, i think you’re the best distraction, and thinking of you, and thinking of all your qualities, and trying to make a song out of them, will distract me. so thank you, princess, thank you for being there for me, and thank you for being everything to me. i love you so much, and i just wanted you to know that, and i don’t have to tell you i love you, because you know i do, but i still want to tell you, okay?

i love you.